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New Family Ways: partnership and parenting among divorcees, single mothers, and stepfamilies in Japan
Organizer and Chair: Aya E. Ezawa, Swarthmore College
Discussant 1: Masako Ishii-Kuntz, Ochanomizu University, Japan
Family dynamics in Japan, once associated with a remarkably low divorce rate, have been subject to significant changes in the recent years. Divorce and remarriage are becoming increasingly common, challenging couples to redefine the meaning of parenting and partnership after divorce and remarriage. How do single mothers approach partnership and marriage after separation? How do divorced parents in Japan negotiate child support and visitation? And how do remarried mothers deal with their identity as (step) mothers? Although Japan’s divorce rate has attracted significant discussion, little is known about the everyday dynamics of divorce and remarriage in contemporary Japan. This panel brings together three papers, which provide rare insight into the meanings and dynamics of family relationships among Japanese divorcees, single mothers, and remarried couples. Based on ethnographic research and qualitative interviews, our papers highlight the new meanings ascribed to ‘good parenting’ and intimate relationships after divorce and remarriage. We show how divorced and remarried parents negotiate family relationships as a new and unknown terrain, with few role models or visions of alternative lifestyles. In examining their struggles to reestablish a ‘standard family life,’ our papers reveal the challenges of divorce and remarriage, pressures to conform to prevailing norms of family, as well as new and unusual family arrangements. Composed of papers with closely related themes, our panel provides a comprehensive look at divorce and remarriage in Japan and by mapping the specificity of the Japanese experience, seeks to extend contemporary theories of family change.
Getting Married: Japanese single mothers’ perspectives on (re)marriage
Aya E. Ezawa, Swarthmore College
Due to a steady increase in Japan’s divorce rate, single mothers are often subject to discussions about the changing dynamics of marriage in contemporary Japan. What makes marriages in Japan increasingly brittle? And why do so few single mothers in Japan remarry? In this paper, I examine the meanings of marriage from the perspective of divorced single mothers. Based on sixty life history interviews with single mothers conducted since 1998, I explore how single mothers come to terms with their experiences of marriage and separation, as well as their perspectives on remarriage. Single mothers’ stories, I argue, highlight a classic image of marriage with motherhood and children at the center, in which husbands and fathers are marginal - and increasingly auxiliary - to an idealized family life. As marriage tends to be conflated with motherhood and a gender division of labor, many single mothers resist remarriage, particularly if they are not planning to have more children. Instead of seeking to reform marital relations, moreover, many single mothers decide to stay on their own or pursue new forms of partnership outside of legal marriage. In narrating their aspirations and experiences of marriage, and articulating their perspectives on remarriage and partnership, single mothers provide insight into the changing meanings of marriage and intimate relationships. Covering a range of different perspectives, single mothers, rather than representing a singular view, provide a window on contemporary Japanese marriage dynamics, as well as innovative perspectives on partnership, family, and self-fulfillment.
But He's Still my Kids' Father: post-divorce parenting in contemporary Japan
Allison M. Alexy, Yale University
For couples with children, getting legally divorced is frequently only a beginning. Although the Japanese family court does not award joint custody, the simple legal terms of "custodial" and "non-custodial" parents often belie complicated and shifting lived experiences. These arrangements run a gamut from ex-spouses who live together for the benefit of their children to non-custodial parents who refuse all contact after signing divorce papers. As rewarding as they may be, few of these relationships feel "natural" or "easy," and people regularly comment on the energy it takes to negotiate kinship after divorce. In this paper, I represent some of these relationships to discuss how people balance what can feel like two contradictory roles -- being an ex-spouse but still a co-parent. Even people who describe their divorce as a positive thing often struggle to decide what role their ex-spouse should play in their children's lives. In these debates, people invoke images of idealized family life as they try to square their own desires with what could be best for their children. Based on ethnographic interviews and participant observation in multiple support groups, this paper describes how people parent after getting divorced. Including experiences of both men and women, custodial and non-custodial parents, I focus primarily on parents who have not remarried to discuss the tactics, problems, and rewards generated by the gap between affinal and consanguineous responsibilities.
Family Formation among Japanese Stepfamilies: struggles and consequences of reconstituting the ‘standard family’
Shinji Nozawa, Meiji Gakuin University
This paper examines the difficulties and role strains experienced by stepparents in parenting (step)children and in creating a satisfactory marital relationship after remarriage. Based on the first empirical study of stepfamilies in Japan, my analysis draws from the results of sixty semi-structured interviews and a survey with 113 respondents. Although the number of stepfamilies in Japan has been increasing, stepfamilies so far have few role models. There is no original Japanese term to denote stepfamilies and most stepparents expect to have a family similar to a first-marriage family. Stepparents typically attempt to replace the role of a biological parent only to find that this is more difficult than they expected. Stepmothers, in particular, tend to be in a difficult position, mainly because they are expected to be more emotionally involved and play a greater role in caring for their stepchildren than (step)fathers. In addition, there is an increasing trend for non-custodial parents to visit their children, creating new challenges for stepparents and biological parents to come to terms with a complex network of stepfamily relations. That is, although many remarried couples expect to recreate a more or less ‘standard nuclear family’, many come to realize the need to redefine their ideas of (step) parenting and stepfamily relations. In conclusion, I will discuss the role of self-help organizations in promoting a new subculture of (step)families and fostering diversity among Japanese families by making ‘non-standard’ families more socially visible and recognized.